he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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