His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
