is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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