we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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