If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
