please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
