Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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