He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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