I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize