i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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