I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
