remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
