I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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