I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
