Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
