OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
