I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
