dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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