is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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