dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
