I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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