I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
