If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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