go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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