I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
