mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shame is for Republicans.
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