my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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