I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
