I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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