Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
