Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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