I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
