a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
