Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize