We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
