I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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