I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
