So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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