he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
