Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
