You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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