I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
