walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
