I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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