take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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