I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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