shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
