two words: eviction party
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
