I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
