Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize