i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
