Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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