therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize