Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
