Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
