did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize