There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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