I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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