the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize