I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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