i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
