I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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