you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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