Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
