i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
