I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
