oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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