dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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