A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
