I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize