Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize