my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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