I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
