woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
