If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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