i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
