I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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