theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
