it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
