What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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