this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
