We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
