And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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