Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
