Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
