speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
