you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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