No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
