I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
