i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
