I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
