Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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