just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
